Changing Choices

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”

                                                                                                      -Winston Churchill

Change happens like a clockwork calendar, days ticking by, indifferent to life’s little turbulence, weeks moving steadily into months until eventually, bloated by the gathered time, the year breaks open and births the next and we’re left reminding ourselves to write 13 instead of 12. One number takes the place of another and the days go by without a thought for those that came before, save for the small smudge where we erased the old date and deepened the new, denying the mistake.  But change isn’t always so simple, it isn’t always this to that; sometimes it’s this and that, sometimes change is gaining and growing without giving up what came before. Sometimes change is progress, an evolution into more that sacrifices only what hinders, what is no longer needed. I often speak of change and progress, preaching their power like a hypocritical zealot who believes in but does not bow to the doctrines of their religion. This fallacy can no longer sustain me. As trite as it is, the time has come to practice what I preach.

In the beginning, I told you that this blog was conceived to motivate me on my mission to be better, to break the cycle of the Boomerang Generation and to gain the skills to claim independence. But I failed to specify how. Recently I mentioned an epiphany, a revelation about the direction of this blog, the focus that would help me, and maybe even others, find my way. After the ado of absent attention, I offer now my intention to change.

Starting today, I am going to channel the Zeitgeist of the New Year, the spirit of resolve and resolutions that comes with the new, that comes at the beginning. Every two to four weeks I intend to learn a life skill that will ready me for battle with that repulsive monster known as “real life.” From changing my oil to taxes and tracking expenses, I am going to train in the trades of adulthood. Every time I accomplish one of these tasks, I will report the experience and offer advice on it here. The weeks in between will be filled with progress reports and the same types of posts as before, thoughts on the present and past and how they are woven into a transparent tapestry of my future-to-be. I welcome any and all comments, suggestions, and questions on the endeavor or anything I might bring up. It is my hope, that eventually this will become a community of Boomerangs and those who would guide us.

I have yet to decide what my first learned life skill will be, but once I do I’ll post an announcement and my thoughts on the topic before tackling it. And given that driving constitutes a life skill, a milestone of maturity, I’ll be posting my long-awaited adventure at the DMV sometime in the next few days. For now, I’m going to crack and peel my way out of last year’s battered skin, cleaning off the wasted wants and broken promises, the items uncrossed on too many to do lists and procrastination pushed too far, in favor of trying on something new, something sparkling with dids instead of didn’ts, something stained in what I will learn and sewn to witness the changing world and what my Will will make of it.

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9 comments on “Changing Choices

  1. Growing and changing is difficult to put it mildly. I often feel a great urgency to change and, though it is more desirable to have any changes happen immediately, my thoughts dwell on how exactly I want to grow as a person and what it would take to achieve the desired Me. My thoughts then turn to those of poor tortured Sisyphus and his fruitless efforts to roll that boulder up the mountain and I become too disheartened and de-motivated to even attempt any steps that would satisfy my want to change. It is self-doubt is the biggest thing that holds me, and probably many, back from even trying to grow. I personally get to thinking, “What if this change is only temporary because I could not keep up the necessary efforts and I would be wasting my time trying to be a better Me?” “I probably don’t have what it takes to be that person I want to be anyway.” and “What’s the point? I only have a foothold in this demension anyway so it probably does not matter if I try to change.”

    Change and personal growth are very intimidating obstacles that must be approached with a brave face even if you are absolutely terrified of failing to achieve them on the inside.

    • I concur, however, I think starting to take even the smallest steps and as many as you can each day is the only way to truly change. Banish those questions with a little bit of progress when you can. It’s as simple as denying yourself one more hour of procrastination before bed or deciding to start a project early. Willpower is just as much a muscle as anything else, you have to build it and to do so you have to use it. And I’m talking to you just as much as myself. ;]

  2. Scott Smith says:

    This is really good! I admire your go for it attitude.

    Sent from my iPhone

  3. shadoweangel says:

    Much like Caitlin I’ve spent considerable periods of my life frozen in the headlights of what seemed to be insurmountable change. I’ve made resolutions and promises, to myself and others only to discard all of my best intentions for fear that my actions would tear chasms in a friendship, or leave me standing in a dust storm of my own disappointment. Upon review I found I had come to feel a profound anger over my own weakness, disgust at my inability to actualize my goals and oddly enough a sense of relief that can only have come from having lived up to my own prophecy of failure. While each of these instance is of course accompanied by regret and sorrow, as time has passed they have also come to serve as a reminder of the impossibly powerful element of determination. So many times I have been determined to see myself fail, I have made promises tainted by the immutable knowledge that I would be unable to keep them.

    I haven’t made any resolutions this year. Not because I feel I would fail, and not because I don’t want the growth and happiness that accompanies the New Years march towards a better self; I’ve made no resolution because my own rampant disregard for my personal resolve has led me to understand that if I feel it necessary to make a promise to myself, then my will is already broken. Change, learning, growth, all of these are inherent elements of humanity which should require no fanfare or introduction. I’m certain the circumstances may differ greatly from others, but instead of attempting to fulfill promises I’m just going to do what needs to be done for a change.

    I’m very glad to see that you’re putting your all into this Lauren. You never cease to amaze me!

  4. hownottokillyourparents says:

    What a great idea! Good luck with all of it! Sometimes you need a chance to recoup, reconsider, and restart. It sounds like this year is going to be that chance for you :)

  5. I love your “I showed you my words, now you show me yours” having a lovely chortle.
    You’ve obviously mastered the ‘sense of humour’ life skill.

    • Haha! I do try (no really, it’s rather time consuming). ;]
      Honestly, I was (am) worried that people who aren’t familiar with Word Press, and even those who are, might be confused by my atypical comment header, “Wait…what does she want me to do?” I’m glad someone appreciated it.

I showed you my words, now show me yours

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