I stink of sage and summer and progress. Things have changed, but the plans, the goals, the vision remain. Above all, my living situation is different. Due to requests for privacy I will not be explaining why, but there is less conflict in my immediate household and I think everyone has the chance to grow and better themselves independently as a result, though impetus was not a pleasant. Regardless of what the rest of my family ultimately does, I have chosen growth. But the first step of growth is in the planting and recognizing what is and isn’t fertile soil. In that act of sowing seeds, you must also accept that they take time to grow, and longer still the bear something worth reaping. All this is a long and fancy, bombastic way to obfuscate the simple truth: I am not moving yet, but I am improving.
Circumstance changes, which again, for the sake of others involved, I will not be addressing, but they have made leaving now even less practical than before. So, yet again, I’ll be revisiting the issue in six months and assessing viability. Until then, I am doing the “grow the fuck up” and “get disciplined” things. That being said, I thought I would impart some of the lessons I’ve learned over the last couple years or so about adulting (given, ya know, that was the original intention of this blog):
1.) Filling Tires
Those fucking pumps at the gas station are comically bad. I lost a quarter pressure in one tire trying to fill it. If you can, get a pump, or borrow one. The design on the gas station attachments is asinine and archaic. It took me so long I eyeballed the trucker refilling the gas station and almost went over like, “Help. I am exactly what I look like and can’t do this.” But I did not. I succeeded with frozen fingers and much profanity. I have no other tips for this and don’t look forward to the winter pressure drop requiring me to do it again.
2.) Laundry
To be honest, I am still figuring this one out. I’ve completely and officially taken over doing the laundry in the household. Dad helps a little, but mostly it’s just me. I also have really sensitive skin, so I’ve switched to a hypoallergenic, dye-free, natural detergent (Seventh Generation). I can tell there’s a difference in the clothing’s texture afterward, and it wrinkles a little more easily, but mostly it seems softer and nice. Though I also think it might be fading the clothing a bit, which is a major concern (I deeply cherish and often revel in my wardrobe), so I’ll keep an eye on it. But that being said, I do have some insights and observations.
A.) My mom came up with this one years ago. Get some small, plastic clips. Like plastic clothes pins. Then find your socks in the dirty laundry and pair them, clipping them together. This makes it easier to fold them after they’re washed and dried because they’re already mated. To save even more time, keep the clips by your hamper or dirty clothes pile and clip the socks as soon as you take them off.
B.) Folding laundry will dry your hands out. I’m still not entirely sure why, but they will feel parched as fuck when you’re done, so have some lotion at the ready. Also, folding laundry sucks but if you wait on it, the clothes will wrinkle, so pop the basket in front of the tv and fold while watching something.
C.) Hand washing clothing is necessary in a diverse wardrobe. I still have no real clue what I’m doing with it. I fill the sink with cold water, I use some detergent, I pull on gloves and I awkwardly rub my clothing together. My guess is there is a better way to do this. If I figure it out I’ll let you know. But until then, rub-rub-rub, rinse until the water is clear of suds, wring out, and lay flat or hang to dry.
D.) Speaking of drying, keep wire hangers with you where you wash stuff or in your bathroom to hang dry certain items. If the clothes have different fabric, feel delicate, or are fancy, you probably need to read the tag and will likely discover special instructions for care. Follow them if you want to preserve your clothing.
E.) CHECK YOUR POCKETS BEFORE YOU WASH. Seriously. I glittered my darks load because I had a fatty hunk of mica in my hiking pants that I totally forgot about. I admit it was kinda cool, but you can easily destroy important items, stain or fuck up your clothing. Get in the habit of emptying pockets before you put them in the hamper, but also double check as you’re sorting the clothes.
F.) Change your linen more often in the summer. You are sweaty and gross. Okay, this depends on the person, their location, and how often they changed it before. Really, I am talking to me. I leave my linen way too long, but it’s summer again and that is no longer okay. I’m thinking every two to three weeks now, though I change my pillowcase every four days.
G.) Finally, just in case it isn’t obvious, please sort your clothes: whites/tans/light grays, blacks/darks, colors. This will keep them happy and stop bleed/staining. The washer has different settings for a reason. Also do your towels together with jeans as they’re both pretty dense. Jeans and things with zippers can also tear thinner clothing so it can be a good idea to do those separately as well.
3.) Dishes
After you finish cooking your food, or if possible while you’re cooking, toss some water and/or soap into any pots, pans, or cooking utensils that have residue that may need soaking. This lets the dishes loosen before they have a chance to congeal, but also lets you eat your food hot instead of doing the dishes first and getting a cold meal. Now, I was told it isn’t good for the pans to do cold water when they’re still hot. I admit, I kinda ignore that these days and haven’t seen consequences yet, but you may want to use hot water to be safe. Then when you’re done eating, do the dishes immediately before you can procrastinate. Once they pile up, it’s a strain to want to do them.
On the flip side, I’m the primary cooker in my family. My parents do more pre-made meals or leftovers from eating out. So, when they’re gone, I may not wash the pots or pans for a few days depending on what I made. Like if it was mac’n’cheese, I’d definitely wash it, but if it was just noodles, I’d rinse the starch and leave the pan because I’m likely to use it again. This saves me time, but likewise, can create a psychological burden as the pans mount and take up equal parts counter and head space.
4.) Going to the store
When I go to the store, I always have a list, though often I get more than is on it. That being said, I recommend adding an item to the list the moment you know you’re running low. In our house, we try to have a back-up of things that aren’t fresh food. So one bottle of ketchup in the fridge, one in the cupboard. When we finish the fridge one off, ketchup goes on the list. That way we’re never out of staple food stuffs. Dad thinks it’s silly (though he complains and is frustrated when we’re out of things), but mom and I think it’s essential and time-saving. I enjoy shopping, but not the time it takes, so I usually buy a few of non-perishable foods that I use often so I don’t have to go back for a month. But I’m starting to realize I may need to accept the time hit and go more often because we just do not eat the produce fast enough, even when I buy less. Really, the issue is I’m almost the sole consumer of produce and it’s difficult to buy produce for less than two people. I’m thinking meal planning for the week would be a good way to go about fixing this, but I’m not quite there yet. So, I’ll keep it in mind for the future.
5.) Planning
Do not put more on your plate for the week than you can hope to reasonably accomplish. I highly recommend finding a planner you like and using that, but once you do, gauge your energy level, what needs to get done, what you would like to get done, and how much work that will be with your standing commitments like work, family and school. Don’t schedule things that you know you probably aren’t going to get to. That just sets you up to collect a defeat, which is psychologically damaging and reinforces the narrative that you cannot succeed.
6.) Multitasking
When you’re trying to be productive and multitask, remember not to mix similar task types. For example, if you’re writing something, don’t get into a messenger conversation. Those tasks both use the same part of the brain for language processing, meaning every time you switch you derail yourself. But if you’re cleaning and talking on the phone, that’s viable because you’re using different parts of your brain. For example, I always workout while watching tv.
7.) Prescriptions
This country is a shit show right now with insurance, so I’m skipping that as I have no good advice and lots of anxiety. However, with prescriptions, it is helpful to know that pharmacies often have a recording system for starting a refill. So you can start your refill without going out or talking to a person (good news for introverts) and you can do it in the middle of the night (good news for vampires). Also, GoodRx is a free service that you can sign up for on your computer or phone and it’ll tell you where you can get your prescription the cheapest.
8.) Learning to Cook: Recipes
Go to a bookstore and browse through the cookbooks. Used bookstores have a lot too. Find one that has a fair amount of things that look good to you and buy it. Then start cooking your way through it. I recommend making notes each time you make a recipe as you’ll find things they failed to mention or that you needed to know or didn’t like. Adding these will improve the recipe for the future. Even little reminders like “Gather all ingredients before you start!” can help with timing, which is a major factor in the kitchen. It’s also why I should not talk while I cook. I will inevitably fuck up the timing and things will finish in weird orders leading to part of the meal burning or being cold.
9.) Learning to Cook: Spices
As my brother says, just play around with spices. You know how to do stirfry but you’re bored with the same seasoning? Sniff around your spice rack or buy a new spice at the store. You won’t ruin a dish unless you add too much, so just go slowly. You can always add more, but you cannot add less.
10.) Being on Time
Set a cutoff time the night before so you get to bed with plenty of time. To figure out when that cutoff should be, time your average bedtime routines and cut off with the amount of time they’ll take plus 10 to 30 if you’re like me. I need about two hours but rarely give myself that. This leads to sleep deprivation and I am still working on that. Also, do everything you need to do for the next day, that you can accomplish the night before, before you cutoff and start your bed prep. For example, I prep my breakfast shakes, put my morning pills in my purse, pack my backpack, and lay out my outfit on school and work nights. This prepping means I can have a quick morning: get up, do Morning Pages (new addition and definitely more time consuming), meditate, get dressed, make tea and the shake, then go. It also helps to know where you’re going, how long it takes, and what parking is like if you’re driving. The less you know, the more time you should give yourself. Also Google Maps is a life saver. If you know you are always late, put all calendar, planner and phone reminders in a half hour before you actually need to be there. That way if you’re late, you’re actually still early. However, if you are late, notify those involved. It’s rude as fuck to keep people waiting without notice, so if you can, shoot a text or call. Honesty makes a better impression than excuses.
11.) City Driving
I did it. I drove in the city. Several times. It sucks. Every time it sucks. But I’m doing it. I still can’t parallel park and when my friend did it for me, I love-tapped the car behind me trying to get out. I suck at spatial orientation. The biggest saving grace here is, again, Google Maps on my phone. We were never able to get my Jeep’s nav system fixed (apparently those systems are the biggest complaint Jeep gets; they’re not made by Jeep). But I bought a vent mount for my phone. This drastically reduced my driving tension when going unfamiliar places. If you use your phone to navigate, please get one. Holding it is not safe and is illegal in a lot of places. Because the location feature kills my phone’s battery, I have it charging while I’m navigating, ensuring I have a moderately full battery when I arrive. Charging it in advance also helps. I definitely recommend checking the route traffic before leaving and using the “switch route” option when it pops up, particularly if traffic gives you the jitters (yo). While I have no advice for the nightmare of people not letting you in, blocking your lane, or parallel parking, Google did add a parking tracker feature so you can pin your parking location and find your car in unfamiliar areas. Assuming you got where you were going in the first place this is neat. Back to timing, if cities aren’t your thing, leave extra early and if possible avoid rush hours. Also breathe. A lot. Deeply. Slowly. You will be fine. Smile. It won’t last forever. Just be in the moment and the anxiety will melt.
12.) Cleaning: Dusting & Swiffering/Sweeping/Vacuuming
The final point is another domestic one. I dislike dusting and swiffering. Or rather, I dislike the idea of needing to do it. But here’s the thing: I feel better once it’s done and it’s not actually that difficult to do. There are two methods I use to get myself to start. The first is calling someone. I have a headset and put my phone in my pocket. Then I can dust and swiffer while I talk. It’s easier to do mindless physical activities when distracted mentally. The second is music. Music makes everything better, so if there’s no one to call or you don’t want to talk, pop on some tunes. I recommend, weather permitting, opening the windows before you start dusting. It makes the process feel less claustrophobic and brings in clean air to help you breathe easier. Also, if you have an air purifier and/or ionizer, it’s good to turn that on while you dust too. Regarding when to dust, I recommend doing it after you’ve done the linen and laundry, and after you’ve put your clothing away as all of that makes more dust. You also want to dust before you Swiffer/sweep/vacuum because inevitably you will not get all the dust and some of it will settle on the floor. The thing I do like about dusting is that it is a chance to move and handle all of your possessions and reevaluate whether or not they should be there, or even remain in your possession.
I do a lot of tidying while dusting and rearrange and relocate things. It’s great for hitting that step and activity count. I am currently trying to get myself to dust and swiffer bi-weekly, as it is much easier when it doesn’t even look like it really needs to be done. But I know doing it weekly wouldn’t happen, so I’m happy with twice a month. One last thing: You will itch. Dusting is super itchy. And I think Swiffer products make it more so, but they’re really effective so I opt to suffer. If you shower at night, this isn’t a big deal, but if you don’t, you may want to make an exception on cleaning days, or at least rinse off and throw your clothes in the hamper.
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Tada! Adulting wisdom transferred. In the future, I plan to not do this in bulk again, but rather dedicate a post to each insight as I come across it, but for now, enjoy blogzilla and hit me with any questions or advice or whatever in the comments. Cheers and happy (or at least productive) adulting.
-L.
Hopelessly at Home: The Story of a Broken Boomerang 